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Tools Explained
#1
Tools Explained

DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat
metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and
flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which
you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.

WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the
workbench with the speed of light . Also removes fingerprints and
hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, 'Oh
sh--!'

SKIL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.

PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of
blood-blisters.

BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor
touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.

HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board
principle... It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable
motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal
your future becomes.

VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads.
If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense
welding heat to the palm of your hand.

OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable
objects in your shop on fire Also handy for igniting the grease inside the
wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race.

TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood
projectiles for testing wall integrity.

HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after
you have installed your new brake shoes , trapping the jack handle firmly
under the bumper.

BAND SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut
good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash
can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.

TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of
everything you forgot to disconnect.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or
for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your
shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips
screw heads.

STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans.. Sometimes used to
convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your
palms.

PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket
you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.

HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used
as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the
object we are trying to hit.

UTILITY KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard
cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents
such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector
magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for
slicing work clothes, but only while in use.

SON-OF-A-B....H TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the
garage while yelling 'Son of a B...H!' at the top of your lungs. It is also,
most often, the next tool that you will need.

Hope you found this informative.

Brought to you via Canada Airmail
  Reply
#2
Thought i bought all of the SON-OF-A-B....H TOOL'S rofl

[Image: 2zdx09d.png]
Yea,Tho i cruise through the valley of the shadow of rice,I will fear no Turbo,For Torque art with me.Thy rods and crankshaft,they comfort me. Big Grin Robert
  Reply
#3
thundertc64;44524 Wrote:Thought i bought all of the SON-OF-A-B....H TOOL'S rofl

You may have gotten half of them but I own the other halfTongue
  Reply
#4
Tnfastbk;44526 Wrote:You may have gotten half of them but I own the other halfTongue

Can´t be!
I used one this afternoon. By the way, SOB tools have the ability to locate the most expensive item within reach of their trajectory and damage them which results in an explosion of creativity in inventing new foul language! Undecided


Regarding the UTILITY KNIFE: Last year our Mustang club had an exhibition with some cars in a large shopping mall and we had a booth where we sold all kinds of stuff, like merchandise from the club, scale models of Mustangs and some stuff provided by a large Ford dealership who acts as a kind of sponsor to the club.
So we get those boxes with Mustang and Shelby bar stools and one of the guys takes his utility knife and...... you know how it ended, don´t you. :-)

[Image: 1z21rv4.png]

Mike

"If I were you...... I´d rather be me."  Tongue

Check out my video:
http://www.7173mustangs.com/thread-my-mustang-in-action

  Reply
#5
So true!

[Image: 386_07_10_13_5_58_42.jpeg]
My Mustangs:
71 M-code Mach 1, Medium Blue/White Sport, 4R70W, 3L50, Factory Ram Air.
72 Q-code Mach 1, Pewter/Black Sport, 4-spd, 3L25.
65 Convertible, Britney Blue/White/White, more modified than original.
05 Convertible, Legend Lime/Tan/Tan, future classic??
  Reply
#6
How true but I have to admit when I'm doing any work that it's myself who is the most dangerous tool about.Has anyone ever come across the fraction factor with me it depends on the amount ie if there are 6 bolts 5 will come out 1 will be ceased or 5 and 4 will come out and 1 ring hardly ever changes.
  Reply
#7
Roy I'm glad you put the advice to good use......lol

[Image: 1_14_01_12_10_54_29.png]

Ken

73 Convertible 302-4v-3spd yellow /white int

08 Bullitt 4.6-5 spd black/black int


All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy
  Reply
#8
whitesoc;44628 Wrote:Roy I'm glad you put the advice to good use......lol

Trust me many of times
  Reply
#9
SOB tools - yeah, fits into the same category as the "Jesus Clips" (which are best discovered/launched using the straight screwdrivers, as well). Big Grin Big Grin Big Grin

Eric

[Image: mach1sig2.gif]
  Reply
#10
Wife heard me asking our son for a Jesus clip....later on she asked me why it was called that ....laughed my ass off explaining it her!

[Image: 1_14_01_12_10_54_29.png]

Ken

73 Convertible 302-4v-3spd yellow /white int

08 Bullitt 4.6-5 spd black/black int


All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy
  Reply
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