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tools
#1
DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat
metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and
flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project
which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.


WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under
the workbench with the speed of light . Also removes fingerprints and
hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say,
'Oh ****!'

SKIL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.

PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of
blood-blisters.

BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor
touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.

HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board
principle... It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable
motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more
dismal your future becomes.

VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt
heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer
intense welding heat to the palm of your hand. They can also be used to
sculpture
your wife's nose when they fall from a motorhome TV antenna!

OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable
objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside
the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race.

TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood
projectiles for testing wall integrity.

HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground
after you have installed your new brake shoes , trapping the jack handle
firmly under the bumper.

BAND SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to
cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into
the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the
outside edge.

TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of
everything you forgot to disconnect.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids
or for opening old-style paper-and-tin-foil oil cans and splashing oil
on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out
Phillips screw heads.

STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to
convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering
your palms.

PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding the clip or
bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.

HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is
used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts
adjacent to the object you are trying to hit.

UTILITY KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard
cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on
contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles,
collector
magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful
for
slicing hands and work clothes, but only while wearing them.

SON-OF-A-BEACH TOOL: (A personal favorite!) Any handy tool that you grab
and throw across the garage while yelling 'SON-OF-A-BEACH!' at the top
of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool you will need.




Eric


[Image: a58hgh.jpg]
DRIVE IT DON'T STORE IT!
  Reply
#2
LOL ...So true..

[Image: 20r9ylt.jpg]
  Reply
#3
LOVE IT!!!!!!
  Reply
#4
I'll have to admit that I have accomplished some of the mentioned tasks above, actually quite a few Blush
  Reply
#5
These are funny! I can only suggest 1 improvement/correction to the list. The wire wheel removes original fingerprints from fingers

[Image: 386_07_10_13_5_58_42.jpeg]
My Mustangs:
71 M-code Mach 1, Medium Blue/White Sport, 4R70W, 3L50, Factory Ram Air.
72 Q-code Mach 1, Pewter/Black Sport, 4-spd, 3L25.
65 Convertible, Britney Blue/White/White, more modified than original.
05 Convertible, Legend Lime/Tan/Tan, future classic??
  Reply
#6
You have been in my garageBig Grin
  Reply
#7
Hahaha!! So very true.... :rofl:

Doc

[Image: 6y14ea.jpg]

Project started 8-7-10
Completed: All new suspension, rebuilt 351C H Code bored .030 over with mild cam and intake, new 3.50 TracLok, custom exhaust system
Current "mini-project": interior upgrade Undecided
  Reply
#8
I was going to quote one entry, but that quickly expanded to 75% of the list.

Haha, I have two blood blisters as we speak! So true...

Steve



[Image: 25yvyp3.jpg]
  Reply
#9
shrug2I did'nt think I yelled that loud enough! Because the wife could not hear me when I fell off the ladder in the shop trying to get some wheels down off the top shelf. I threw the ladder!!!! After it scratched my newly painted yet to be finished 70 Mach 1 on the front fender.

Oh the joys of mustang ownership that I would not trade for anything!shrug2








I am just here to eat my lunch and screw stuff up!!!!!Haha
  Reply
#10
That my life story.
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