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My Penis is too small
#1
I’m told my middle leg isn’t big enuff. Undecided
 
Don’t forget guys – I’m a redneck trapped in the UK.  Our cars normally run on diseasel (diesel) a fluid made from rats droppings, cats wee and last Sunday's vile gravy – These people, that I'm surrounded by, like their cars to be clanking away like a canal boat...are the same shape and size of a lady’s handbag, and just as emasculating. 
Only that someone conveniently nailed a small sack of air at each corner and hammered a steering wheel in it.
 
You know I did a piece about styling? Well these cars are styled by either those I wouldn’t trust with crayons, or those that are more used to styling panel vans. Which is why a Vauxhall Astra (look it up) is mind-gurgglingly boring to the point of suicidal tendencies for me. (You guys have no idea what I’m talking about do you? )
 
Of course all our euro-shitboxes over here , in "everything has to be microscopic" land, are practical, puerile, humdrum, mundane, unimaginative scrap yard wannabe’s that only excite those with blue rinsed hair. 
 
Yet in the original advertising – the beautiful Mach 1’s, Boss’s and Sports-roof’s were to take a European dynamic.


[Image: euro.jpg]

 
We have something exciting, something with some “style” – something that turns heads- and some people like it.  I rock up to a fuel station, supermarket; when I come out it’s like I own a super car. Three to five persons all with their phones out, photographing every inch of paint. ...and I don't even have a Lamborghini  Shootself
 
However then there are those who think I’m alien …I’M seen as different. Driving something that to them, is 3 blocks long, 1 block wide and they think guzzles gas like a cargoship.  Tongue
 
Now I’m told that my manhood has somehow shrunk to the size of a baby carrot and two petit pois – (look it up). Chin
 
So, somehow, according to those only thinking on humdrum, mundane and practical levels, think my man sausage is inversely proportional to the length of 351 Ram Air hood and the volume of air sucked up by the air inlets.
 
So on their calculation, if I drove this instead… 


[Image: Peel-P506.jpg]


...I’d be hung like a Grand National winner. thumb

[Image: siggy.jpg]

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#2
Magnum 
1sostatic.......You need to quit holding back and tell us how you really feel!    Tongue

I've heard some of the same sentiments about the European ecno boxes from military friends that were stationed overseas and members such as Fabrice! Most common comments (that can be repeated here)  were slow, noisey, and had the same excitement level as a new toaster. There was a big push in the late 70's and 80's to have diesel power in everything here. Thankfully Ford didn't get caught neck deep in the diesel frenzy like GM did. They wanted to beat Ford and Chrysler to the market with a diesel powered car. With their heads inserted way up their A$$ they tried to take the 350 Oldsmobile gas engine and make a diesel engine out of it. That way there would be no expensive engineering costs to design a real diesel engine. The end results were typical of GM engineering from that era. Extremely high failure rates and ultra rich lawyers from all the Class Action lawsuits!!

All that only fueled our dislike of diesel engines in anything other than transport trucks. We always called diesel "Junk" fuel (Much like you said was in diesel there) since it was made from what was left over after producing that wonder high octane fuel needed for our tire shredding V8 supercars!  Goes without saying why large primary and secondary filters were necessary. 

If Fabrice (Professor Emmett Brown) gets the time traveling Delorean functioning again, we are all going to take a arm long list with us to pick up some gas guzzling overpowered V8's so we can come back and terrorize our Econo box friends.  

And.....your manhood won't be questioned!   Big Grin

Steve

No Officer...I really don't know how fast I was going, my speedometer stopped at 140!
  Reply
#3
Maybe something like this will help Smile

[Image: index.jpg]



“If you can't explain it simply, you don't understand it well enough.”
--Albert Einstein
  Reply
#4
(06-01-2019, 12:02 PM)1sostatic Wrote: I’m told my middle leg isn’t big enuff. Undecided
 
Don’t forget guys – I’m a redneck trapped in the UK.  Our cars normally are run on diseasel (diesel) a fluid made from rats droppings and last Sunday's vile gravy – These people, that I'm surrounded by, like their cars to be clanking away like a canal boat...are the same shape and size of a lady’s handbag, and as emasculating. 
Just that someone conveniently nailed a small sack of air at each corner and hammered a steering wheel in it.
 
You know I did a piece about styling? Well these cars are styled by either those I wouldn’t trust with crayons, or those that are more used to styling panel vans. Which is why a Vauxhall Astra (look it up) is mind-gurgglingly boring to the point of suicidal tendencies for me. (You guys have no idea what I’m talking about do you? )
 
Of course all our euro-shitboxes over here , in everything has to be microscopic land, are practical, puerile, humdrum, mundane, unimaginative scrap yard wannabe’s that only excite those with blue rinsed hair. 
 
Yet in the original advertising – the beautiful Mach 1’s, Boss’s and Sports-roof’s were to take a European dynamic.


[Image: euro.jpg]

 
I have something exciting, something with some “style” – something that turns heads- and some people like it.  I rock up to a fuel station, supermarket; when I come out it’s like I own a super car. Three to five persons all with their phones out, photographing every inch of paint. ...and I don't even have a Lamborghini  Shootself
 
However then there are those who think I’m alien …I’M seen as different. Driving something that to them, is 3 blocks long, 1 block wide and they think guzzles gas like a cargoship.  Tongue
 
Now I’m told that my manhood has somehow shrunk to the size of a baby carrot and two petit pois – (look it up). Chin
 
So, somehow, according to those only thinking on humdrum, mundane and practical levels, think my man sausage is inversely proportional to the length of 351 Ram Air hood and the volume of air sucked up by the air inlets.
 
So on their calculation, if I drove this instead… 


[Image: Peel-P506.jpg]


...I’d be hung like a Grand National winner. thumb
Sostatic, I agree completely with what you said. Governments push markets in the direction they it want to go by mandating this and that and prohibiting this and that. Then they launch a sustained propaganda campaign to convince the people they want what the government wants them to have. The notion that "The state knows best." is a fatally flawed concept.
Sostatic, you had better watch what you say or the social compliance/group think police will be at your door.  Chuck
[+] 2 users Like c9zx's post
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#5
I love love love my 2017 Astra Sports Tourer.

There!

  Reply
#6
(06-01-2019, 03:17 PM)Vinnie Wrote: I love love love my 2017 Astra Sports Tourer.

There!


I'm calling the police.  Tongue

[Image: siggy.jpg]

[+] 1 user Likes 1sostatic's post
  Reply
#7
(06-01-2019, 02:08 PM)c9zx Wrote: Sostatic, you had better watch what you say or the social compliance/group think police will be at your door.  Chuck

Dear Chuck
You just gave me great inspiration for my next rant ...thx pal  thumb

[Image: siggy.jpg]

  Reply
#8
I'm glad I could be of assistance. I look forward to reading your next rant. Chuck
  Reply
#9
Well if you drive that little micro car, you should be able to pole vault tall buildings with the might manhood attached to you

[Image: 1_01_07_15_8_53_18.png]

"I love my Hookers!" and "Get some Strange" probably have a different connotation to non automotive enthusiasts!
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