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Family Friendly Joke
#1
A guy is passing a Mental Hospital surrounded by a wall and he hears the chanting inside, Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen!

His curiosity aroused as to what might be going on he finds a small hole in the wall, bends down and peeks inside.

Someone inside pokes him hard in the eye and everyone starts inside chanting, Fourteen! Fourteen! Fourteen!

Smile!

BT

Do the RIGHT thing.
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#2
Just my luck
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#3
A guy goes to a job enterview and the CEO didn't like him and decides to give him an IQ test to find an excuse not to hire him so he tells the guy he must pass a math quiz without using numbers as answeres and the guy agrees.
The first question is how many times will 25 go into 75?
The guy picks up paper and pen and draws a tree and says "tree times"
The CEO says "that's good, now whats tree times 11"?
The guy wets his finger and smears the tree
CEO say "what is this?"
the guy say "dirty tree"
The CEO is amazed at this guy's intellect and tries to come up with a real stumper so he say's "what is 100 Devided by 3"?
The guy puts a dot at the bottom of the tree and draws a dog
The CEO says "what is this?"
The guy say's "dirty tree and a turd"
CEO hires him
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#4
Both are good ones!



Mike AKA Ole Pony & Rare Pony

Our current Mustang garage/driveway
1973 Mustang Convert - Bought in 1974 - Still have it!
2004 Mach 1 Oxford White Auto, Bought Sept 06


[Image: 20180127_082009.jpg]

upload a photo on internet




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#5
lol....

[Image: 2zem9nk.jpg]
Iyman
1972 Mustang convertible run_horse  
Visit the Mustang Car Club of New England Facebook Page

Visit the Mustang Car Club of New England Web Page

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#6
Common Tool Descriptions and Use



DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly finished panel you had placed in the corner where nothing could get to it.

WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes to say: “What the …??!!

ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age. Can also be used to sprain wrists and crack knuckles.

PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood blisters.

BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch up jobs into major refinishing jobs.

HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

VISE GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles with the speed of a ballistic missile for testing wall integrity.

EZ-OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool ten times harder than any known substance that snaps neatly off in bolt holes thereby ending any future use.

BAND SAW: A large stationary power saw used by most shops to cut good hardwood stock into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the scrap bin after you cut on the wrong side of the line.

CRAFTSMAN ½ X 24 INCH SCREWDRIVER: A very large pry bar that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end opposite the handle.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER; Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids and for opening old style oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt. Can also be used, as the name implies, to make Phillips screws non-removable or rounding torx screws.

STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint or varnish cans, can also be used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws.

PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple and mash the material surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.

HAMMER: Originally used as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of diving rod to locate the most expensive part adjacent to the object we are trying to hit.

BOX CUTTER: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door, works particularly well on contents such as seats, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines and all rubber or plastic parts. Also useful for slicing through work clothes, but only when wearing them.

SKILL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.

[Image: 1_01_07_15_8_53_18.png]

"I love my Hookers!" and "Get some Strange" probably have a different connotation to non automotive enthusiasts!
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#7
^^^ That's great, and about right.
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#8
Here's one of my favorites.

The old Hollander is browsing through a department store and sees a silver cylinder shaped object. He asks the clerk "What is that?" She tells him that it is a Thermos. The old Hollander asks what does it do" She says you put food in it it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold. Well, he thinks it over for a few seconds and buys it. The next morning he fills his new Thermos up and heads off to work and puts it on his workbench. The old Hollander working next to him notices and asks "What do you have there?". Well he says that's a Thermos. His co worker asks what does it do? He says, well you put food in it, it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold. Well says his co worker... thats pretty neat, what do you have in there? The old Hollander replies "2 cups of coffee and a popsickle.


BTW this is an "old Hollander" joke because I am one! LOL

Jeff T.

Low buck, touring style, '73 Convertible "rolling restoration", 351c, 2v heads with a shave and a haircut, Performer intake, Holley 650(ish), roller rockers, screw in studs, guideplates, stainless valves, Duraspark / Motorsports MSD, T-5 conversion. 1-1/8" front, 3/4" rear swaybars KYB shocks and some home brewed subframe connectors. Future plans; JGC steering box, Cobra brakes and... paint, interior, etc.

When I die I want to die like grandpa, peacefully in my sleep... not screaming, like his passenger.

[Image: 1_12_09_14_10_15_11.png]
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#9
all are good but JEFF!!! that is very good!


67 Diamond Blue Vert

[Image: images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRveIaRU6OAzTfd2Mv6ypG...mJJrHJ_B_Q]

DUDE

LOL even my sig line offended somebody!
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#10
"Now that's funny, I don't care who you are!"
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