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Anyone ever use a Taser?
#1
Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife!

A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary submitted this review:

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Tazer.

The effects of the Tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no long term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety...??
WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home... I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button and pressed it against a metal surface at the same time, I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.


AWESOME!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.



Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two AAA batteries, right?
There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.

I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and then thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised.


Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shor ts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and Tazer in another.

The directions said that:

a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant;
a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; and
a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water.
Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.
All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference (loaded with two itsy, bitsy AAA batteries); pretty cute really, and thinking to myself, 'no possible way!'



What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best.





I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side so as to say, 'Don't do it stupid,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny lil ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it.





I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and...





HOLY MOTHER OF GOD. WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION. WHAT THE... !!!




I'm pretty sureHulk Hogan ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs! The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.



Note:


If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a Tazer, one note of caution:



There is NO such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor!


A three second burst would be considered conservative!



A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape.
My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace.
The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was.
My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching.
My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs.
I had no control over the drooling.
Apparently I had crapped in my shorts, but was too numb to know for sure, and my sense of smell was gone.
I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head, which I believe came from my hair.
I'm still looking for my testicles and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!

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#2
Don...that was a pretty funny read and something that made a lot of sense. You have to test it out before you give it to your wife...lol.

Sounds like a good gift for my wife though.

Jeff

Don65Stang;123083 Wrote:Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife!

A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary submitted this review:

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Tazer.

The effects of the Tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no long term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety...??
WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home... I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button and pressed it against a metal surface at the same time, I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.


AWESOME!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.



Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two AAA batteries, right?
There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.

I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and then thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised.


Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shor ts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and Tazer in another.

The directions said that:

a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant;
a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; and
a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water.
Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.
All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference (loaded with two itsy, bitsy AAA batteries); pretty cute really, and thinking to myself, 'no possible way!'



What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best.





I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side so as to say, 'Don't do it stupid,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny lil ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it.





I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and...





HOLY MOTHER OF GOD. WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION. WHAT THE... !!!




I'm pretty sureHulk Hogan ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs! The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.



Note:


If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a Tazer, one note of caution:



There is NO such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor!


A three second burst would be considered conservative!



A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape.
My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace.
The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was.
My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching.
My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs.
I had no control over the drooling.
Apparently I had crapped in my shorts, but was too numb to know for sure, and my sense of smell was gone.
I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head, which I believe came from my hair.
I'm still looking for my testicles and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!
  Reply
#3
Don,your killing me,I"m still trying to recover from the picture game.rofl

[Image: 1_11_01_14_4_00_47.jpeg]
460 , Edelbrock Performer carb. + intake , 204 / 214 cam , Pertronix Flamethrower 2 billet dizzy + coil , Crites long tubes , C6 .









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#4
I know the original author... No kidding.

His first name is Gayle.... He would fit in here.
  Reply
#5
That's hilarious!!!! I never used a tazer but my older brother did zap me with a cattle prod one time when I was younger. I was sleeping on the couch and he came in and zapped me in the leg. That was a rude awakening, although he thought it was pretty funny!

Kevin

1971 Mach 1
408C Stroker
C4 w/3,000 stall
8.8" Rear w/3.73's
Disc brakes all way around.

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#6
LOL... I have seen this one on Facebook before, it kills me every time I read it, because its something I would do!!!!

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Iyman
1972 Mustang convertible run_horse  
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#7
I have had 2 of the 5 second rides on the type that shoot the prongs I must say until you ride the lightning you won't know what you're missing!!!

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#8
I have never been tazed but I did pee on an electric fence when I was a kid...It's kinda like zipping your uh ha up in your zipper, you only do it once in a lifetime...from then on you TUCK! TUCK! TUCK!
  Reply
#9
rofl
caspianwendell;123144 Wrote:I have never been tazed but I did pee on an electric fence when I was a kid...It's kinda like zipping your uh ha up in your zipper, you only do it once in a lifetime...from then on you TUCK! TUCK! TUCK!

[Image: 1_11_01_14_4_00_47.jpeg]
460 , Edelbrock Performer carb. + intake , 204 / 214 cam , Pertronix Flamethrower 2 billet dizzy + coil , Crites long tubes , C6 .









  Reply
#10
caspianwendell;123144 Wrote:I have never been tazed but I did pee on an electric fence when I was a kid...It's kinda like zipping your uh ha up in your zipper, you only do it once in a lifetime...from then on you TUCK! TUCK! TUCK!


rofl Haha
I thought Mythbusters tried it, and it didn't work,
they should have consulted you first Big Grin

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Iyman
1972 Mustang convertible run_horse  
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